You know it when you see it. A couple walks into the room and is beaming with energy between them. Their glowsome radiance fills the room and yet, if you were asked by a stranger to describe what it is that this couple is doing, it would be difficult to put into words. These two don’t act like teenagers, yet you are a witness to their intimate connection(Gottman & Silver, 2018).
Intimacy is the lifeblood of any profound relationship. It's a bond that goes beyond the superficial, into the depths of connection where two souls can communicate without words.That is why its existence can be so subtle (APA, 2020).
In the realm of relationships, intimacy is not merely a physical endeavor; it encompasses emotional, intellectual, and sometimes spiritual exchanges that reinforce the ties between partners (Hendrix, 2007). There are several types of intimacy you can experience as a couple, and I will elaborate on each throughout our journey together.
So What Is The Essence Of Intimacy?
Some say intimacy in relationships is the art of truly knowing another person and being known by them in return. I dare to say that it is the art of always showing interest in getting to know one another (APA, 2020). Intimacy for me is built on the premise of interest and curiousity, rather than the assumption of – I already know this person all through and through. Neither do I believe it should be the end goal, but rather a never ending journey of adiscovery of a self and one another.
It is the courageous act of opening up, allowing ourselves to be seen, and daring to see another. This connection manifests in various forms: a shared glance that speaks volumes, a touch that carries the weight of understanding, or a conversation that dances through the night, unraveling layers of thoughts and emotions.
Why We Seek Intimacy?
Human beings are innately social creatures. Doesn’t matter whether someone is an introvert or extrovert, we want to connect and belong within our contextual needs. Intimacy grants thisprofound wish for closeness and togetherness. It reassures us that we are not alone in our journey, providing a safe harbor where we can be our true selves without the fear of judgment. Intimacy is sought for the warmth it brings to our lives, the joy of being understood, and the peace that comes with acceptance.
Of course challenges happen too. Those, who have experienced the truth depths of intimacy, will tell you that even the dark alleys and the abyss of difficult times has brought them much closer. Communication may falter, emotional walls may rise, and the connection may seem to wane. However, these obstacles are not dead ends but opportunities for growth. By working through them, partners can deepen their understanding and strengthen their bond.
Why Nurturing Intimacy Is Important?
Cultivating intimacy is vital for the health and longevity of relationships. It's akin to tending a garden (Sternberg, 1998); it requires patience, care, and the willingness to address the weeds that might encroach upon it (Gottman & Silver, 2018). Intimacy reinforces trust, builds resilience against life's adversities, and creates a shared sense of purpose. It is the glue that holds relationships together when external circumstances threaten to pull them apart. And well taken care of gardens grow on you – you can immediately tell when you find yourself in one.
How to Foster Intimacy (in Myself and Relationships)?
The ultimate question that we will be coming back to over the time, as there is no one easy quick solution. Before we jump onto intimacy in relationships, it is advisable to get in touch with our own intimacy at first.Before we communicate what we need and desire, we need to be self-aware of it. Look at psychogenic, physiological, as well as contextual cues and elements, that drive our desire and/or arousal (the difference of which we will explain in the following posts too).
So before we dig into any work on intimacy in relationships, we will embark on the journey f self-discovery.
Once we get in touch with our own sensual intimacy, we will move onto relational intimacy. It seems that vulnerability is welcomed and cherished as the very base of the nurturing work on intimacy. This can be done through:
- Active Listening and Vulnerable Non-Accusatory Sharing: Paying close attention not just to words, but to the emotions and thoughts behind them (Johnson, 2008).
- Quality Time: Prioritizing moments together to build shared experiences and memories.
- Physical Affection: Using touch as a powerful form of non-verbal communication to convey warmth and care.
- Appreciation: Regularly expressing gratitude for each other's qualities and contributions to the relationship.
- Open Dialogue: Encouraging honest conversations about needs, desires, and concerns.
- Navigating Polarities: Besides cultivating compatible aspects of each relationship, taking care of our differences and pampering polarities seems to benefit intimacy.
In Conclusion
Intimacy is not a destination but a journey of continual discovery. It is about building a bridge between hearts that can withstand the torrents of life. As a couple's psychotherapist and intimacy coach, I have witnessed the transformative power of intimacy (Hendrix, 2007). It is the invisible thread that weaves individuals into a tapestry of unified existence. In cherishing and cultivating intimacy, we not only enhance our relationships but enrich our lives with the beauty of profound human connection.
REFERENCES
American Psychological Association. (2020). Building Relationships: Intimacy.
Gottman, J. (2018). The seven principles for making marriage work. Hachette UK.
Hendrix, H. (2007). Getting the love you want: A guide for couples. St. Martin's Griffin.
Johnson, S. (2008). Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. Little, Brown Spark.
Sternberg, R. J. (1998). Love is a story: A new theory of relationships. Oxford University Press, USA.
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